In his book, “Purpose-Driven Life”, best-selling author Rick Warren starts with this powerful opening line…
“It’s not about you.”
His point is beautiful and in the context of it, he’s encouraging us all to realize that God has a bigger plan that doesn’t just revolve around our individual lives.
In that regard, I’m in full agreement with Pastor Rick.
But I also know that when it comes to working through our issues, it requires us to recognize that sometimes, “it is about us.”
By that, I mean unless we own our past mistakes and circumstances (even those we had no control over), then we can’t move forward in a healthy way.
I believe that once we own it, and essentially state: “God, you can make something beautiful out of my life, and I’m willing to let go of the pain and frustration of the past…”
That’s when things get really good.
Listen, I understand that thinking only of ourselves can cause tendencies toward narcissism or victim mentality. But ignoring yourself can also have adverse consequences.
Neither of these is where we want to live.
This is why we must understand self-love and then self-sacrifice. Some of us know that we are children of the living and all-powerful God. The invitation to be a child of God is open to all, but not all accept it. This God is so powerful that He can call every person on earth His favorite because we are. He is a father that gives to His children richly, giving to one doesn’t mean He can’t give everything that is good to another as well.
A scarcity mindset—or in a Christian context, you may hear it called the orphan spirit— tells us that “because they got that, there is not enough for me.” This orphan spirit says God has a limited supply of good things. It is trying to tell you that once He gives to one, there won’t be enough for another.
This simply is not true.
A person with narcissistic tendencies will use manipulation and guilt proclaiming, “I’ve given you so much, and you’re so ungrateful,” or, “I’m a victim and you must help me or you’re not a good person.” They hijack your emotions and convince you to make unreasonable sacrifices.
A resilient person, on the other hand, says:
- “I am grateful because I see purpose, hope, and courage in everything I do or receive from others.”
- “I am not a victim. Instead of saying poor me, I will admit it hurts, but I know that I will overcome this too.”
The point is simply this: own what’s gone wrong, even if it wasn’t your fault and invite God into the healing process.
I believe this opens your heart and mind to allowing healing and wholeness to begin. Because you’re no longer making your pain or problems the center of your universe. You’re making God the center, and allowing Him to use you to help and bless others.
And in the best way possible, then it’s no longer about you.